Thursday, June 10, 2010

Starving Artist's Mixtape II

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Quick Post on Coming Changes to the Site

Hey folks,

I finally got around to updating the website, so it looks like we should be getting a new look this coming weekend! Some important changes have come about in my life, which I hope only continue to grow this idea and get it to more and more people!
1. The book got picked up for distribution around New York City Barnes and Nobles! Pretty exciting!
2. I got a gig writing for Death & Taxes Magazine on their website.
3. The website is going to be a lot more interactive/cool with the new design.
4. A podcast should be surfacing in the next week or so.

These are all good things, and I hope you stick around to help us form a community of artists all working together.



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

February Short Story Competition!

Good morning, fellow artists!
I'm pleased to announce a Short Story contest for the month of February. You may submit as many as you want, and the prizes are phenomenal. The only rule is that it must be under 5000 words, it must be otherwise unpublished, and you must give me your name and address if you wish to receive your prize. A list of prizes will be given in the coming days. Selected stories will be published on this website and judged by a poll to select a winner.
Send all stories to starvingartistsguide('AT'SIGN)
Hope to see a flood of stories in my inbox!
Good luck to all, this contest ends February 28th, MIDNIGHT!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Come Back Conan!

This is a sad day for me, as I just witnessed our generations comedic mouthpiece, Conan O'Brien, do his last Tonight Show ever. People are wondering why this is such a big deal, but I really think that in order to really understand the structure of the situation, you have to go back a bit and figure out the history. It really goes back to the early 1990's, when Jay Leno first landed the Tonight Show after a brutal battle with David Letterman. Leno eventually persevered, but not after having a very similar fight with Letterman that scarred both of their egos severely. Finding actual clips of this is difficult, but you can see hints of their distrust and anger towards each other in this clip from 1988.

After the rubble settled from the original fight, Jay Leno landed a $3 million contract doing the Tonight Show in the early 1990's. Then, he was permanently ousted from "the artistic role-call," as Bill Hicks would say, when he became the voice of Doritos! Check out some of these tacky commercials. Doritos have "Delicious buttermilk, tangy tomatoes, and zesty onions, and one heck of a crunch!"

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Actually, according to the label, they have "Corn, Vegetable Oil (Contains One or More of the Following: Corn, Soybean or Sunflower Oil), Buttermilk Solids, Salt, Tomato Powder, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Corn Syrup Solids, Corn Starch, Whey, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Monosodium Glutamate, Cheddar Cheese (Cultured Milk, Salt, Enzymes), Nonfat Milk Solids, Sugar, Dextrose, Malic Acid, Sodium Caseinate, Sodium Acetate, Artificial Color (Including Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5), Spice, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Sodium Citrate, Disodium Inosinate, and Disodium Guanylate."

Okay. So he's a sell out. Not just a sell out, but kinda THE sellout. Here's what Bill Hicks had to say..PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED!@@@!!!!

Okay, so Leno is off the artistic role call. End of story. At least he's a good guy, right? Well, I'm not so sure about that. I got this scoop about the "man of the people" who "seals the deal with a handshake" from
Check it out...

So he's a thief, a shill, and he suddenly has the balls to take back the Tonight show?

Anyways, I guess it just goes to show that "Power is the ultimate aphrodesiac." On his last show, Conan had an incredible speech in which he told "the young people that watch the show," to never be cynical. I tend to agree. Sure, Leno is an asshole, but now Conan can come back on another network and go head to head with the jerk who thinks he's invincible.
For the emotional last episode, check it out below. He definitely ends his reign with a bang. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Top Five Ways to Not Get Mugged in New York City..

This post is in reference to a few things: 1. My dad got me a can of mace this winter for christmas. 2. I know a friend who's parents got mugged a few weeks ago. 3. I read an article in the Village Voice that said that crime is up where I work in the Lower East Side and 4. I've been watching a considerable number of animal documentaries. So let's relate all four topics in order to put things in perspective. The documentary series I've been watching is called "BBC's Life" and it's incredible. For people unfamiliar with it, it's basically Discovery Channel's "Earth" but not narrated by Sigourney Weaver. Instead, it's narrated by David Attenburrough, and he does a fantastic job. But, I digress. The last episode I watched was called Predator vs. Prey, and one scene was dedicated to a squirrel watching her babies and a big-ass rattler that wanted to eat one. Instead of sacrificing her babies, the momma squirrel started kicking sand onto the deadly reptile. See the connection to getting mugged? If you don't, you soon will. Here are the top five ways not to get mugged in New York City.

5. Use public transportation if possible.
Easy enough, right? Public transportation is great for two reasons for not getting mugged: Odd, bright artificial light, and safety in numbers. One friend of mine got mugged at knife point in Troy and was chased onto a bus. He made a big scene and stayed on the bus and was safe. The robber got weird and said to the crowd that they were friends, but quickly got off the bus and vanished like a ghost into the night. Bus or subway, you're safer in the station.

4. Follow your instinct, jay walk.
I think this goes with number two, but it can really come down to what side of the street you are walking on. If you get the sudden suspicion that the two goons up the street are not up to any good, just jay walk. You can get a good sense of the situation if they suddenly cross the street as well. And when walking at night, take the headphones off. You're basically advertising that you have an iphone.

3. Don't wear gang colors.

This might sound like a joke, but seriously, don't wear gang colors. There's no reason to where bright red when you're walking down the street in the Bronx. Trade it in for neutral colors like grays, browns and greens. Avoid BLUE and RED! And purple, unless you're into that sorta thing.

2. Look tough.
Wearing a big coat, a hoodie and a skull cap makes people not want to mess with you. I've worked in a shady part of the Lower East Side for the good part of a year and have never had any incidents where people want to mess with me or take my money, not that I have any on me ever anyways. You might want to carry a couple dollars just in case you do get mugged, however, so as not to piss off your mugger. Looking tough is exactly how miss squirrel got mr rattle snake to go away.

1. Blend in.

Much like the successful species of the coral reefs, a big part of safety involves blending in with your surroundings. This includes not being terrified of muggings all of the time, or looking like you might wet yourself if you ever have to go to the Bronx or Queens or certain parts of Brooklyn. Just follow your instincts and you will find yourself okay at the end of the day.

While these are incredibly helpful tips, here are a few things to NOT do, especially if being mugged.

1. DON'T carry a knife with you.
As my dad always says, "Never take a knife to a gun fight." If someone is willing to rob you, they probably have a reason. They need money. IF you pull a knife on them, they are going to cut you, or worse, shoot you. A better alternative is to carry mace, which incapacitates a 200lb man for 30 minutes. However, only bring it if you are willing to get knifed or shot for the $20 in your pocket. ie. not worth it.
2. DON'T say you have nothing on you. If you do, they will take everything else you have like cell phones, ipods, etc.
3. DON'T talk shit to them. Just give them what they want and remember that you are worth more than your wallet.

In the animal kingdom, it's a fish eat smaller fish world out there. It's hard to believe that someone might try to take someone else's stuff in this world, but times are tough and seem to be only getting tougher.
Stay safe out there.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Starving Artist Radio January Edition

Starving Artist Radio January Edition

Check out the latest episode of Starving Artist Radio, with Johnny giving tips on writing a "query letter" to get the attention of bigwigs, some info on, which is a great resource for musicians that want to get their music heard.

Featuring music by Gumshen, Mini Boone, Me, Gerry Wall, Paulina Logan and an interview with comedy musician extraordinaire Kevin Prockup and his latest, greatest single.

Starving Artist's Guide Mixtape Vol. 1!!!

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I currently accept material for submission exclusively through

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Contact me at StarvingArtistsGuide((AT))gmail(DOT)com