Come Back Conan! ~ Starving Artist's Guide
Starving Artist's Guide: Come Back Conan!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Come Back Conan!

This is a sad day for me, as I just witnessed our generations comedic mouthpiece, Conan O'Brien, do his last Tonight Show ever. People are wondering why this is such a big deal, but I really think that in order to really understand the structure of the situation, you have to go back a bit and figure out the history. It really goes back to the early 1990's, when Jay Leno first landed the Tonight Show after a brutal battle with David Letterman. Leno eventually persevered, but not after having a very similar fight with Letterman that scarred both of their egos severely. Finding actual clips of this is difficult, but you can see hints of their distrust and anger towards each other in this clip from 1988.

After the rubble settled from the original fight, Jay Leno landed a $3 million contract doing the Tonight Show in the early 1990's. Then, he was permanently ousted from "the artistic role-call," as Bill Hicks would say, when he became the voice of Doritos! Check out some of these tacky commercials. Doritos have "Delicious buttermilk, tangy tomatoes, and zesty onions, and one heck of a crunch!"

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Actually, according to the label, they have "Corn, Vegetable Oil (Contains One or More of the Following: Corn, Soybean or Sunflower Oil), Buttermilk Solids, Salt, Tomato Powder, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Corn Syrup Solids, Corn Starch, Whey, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Monosodium Glutamate, Cheddar Cheese (Cultured Milk, Salt, Enzymes), Nonfat Milk Solids, Sugar, Dextrose, Malic Acid, Sodium Caseinate, Sodium Acetate, Artificial Color (Including Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5), Spice, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Sodium Citrate, Disodium Inosinate, and Disodium Guanylate."

Okay. So he's a sell out. Not just a sell out, but kinda THE sellout. Here's what Bill Hicks had to say..PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED!@@@!!!!

Okay, so Leno is off the artistic role call. End of story. At least he's a good guy, right? Well, I'm not so sure about that. I got this scoop about the "man of the people" who "seals the deal with a handshake" from
Check it out...

So he's a thief, a shill, and he suddenly has the balls to take back the Tonight show?

Anyways, I guess it just goes to show that "Power is the ultimate aphrodesiac." On his last show, Conan had an incredible speech in which he told "the young people that watch the show," to never be cynical. I tend to agree. Sure, Leno is an asshole, but now Conan can come back on another network and go head to head with the jerk who thinks he's invincible.
For the emotional last episode, check it out below. He definitely ends his reign with a bang. Enjoy.

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